I have struggled for a few years with forgiving, which is
something I haven’t had a really hard time with prior to this time in my
life. I’m not sure why it has been so
difficult this time. I’ve read and listened to the things that have helped
me in the past to just let it go. Then, last week when I was reading my novel,
something struck me to the core. The
daughter in my novel had been raised by her father after her mother left them
when she was five years old. As an adult
asking her father about it, the daughter made a comment that he must really
hate her mother because of what she had done, and his response was, “Yes,
almost as much as I love her.”
That’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks… all this time I
have focused on the pain that I have gone through, and the injustices done to
me. I have honored requests to stay out
of people’s lives. What I finally
realized is that even though these situations have hurt terrifically, I once
had great love for those that I have struggled to forgive, and perhaps that
great love is still present in some form.
And maybe I can finally forgive BECAUSE of that love, not in spite of
it. For some reason, recognizing that love and honoring requests because I love them instead of because I feel rejected or hurt by them makes it seem softer, not so difficult to forgive.
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